Sep 2009
GOLDEN IN DECEMBER
Hey, did you just get back from Hawaii? No, I just returned from Longs Drugs where I just purchased my third box of Loreal Sublime Bronze Towelettes in medium shade. I have tried every tanning creme on the market from the lotions, to the aerosols, to the mousses etc. I get sprayed pretty regularly in the Summer. The idea of getting sprayed during the winter months and having to put colder weather clothes over my sticky body makes me want to run for the hills. Recently, a friend of mine was singing the praises of TAN TOWEL. I was disappointed by the lack of true color after a single application. I was trolling the drug store one day searching for a new black liquid felt tip eyeliner (Loreal as well) and stumbled upon a box of Loreal tan towelettes. I grabbed a box and ran home to get a tan. Six towelettes come in a box and it is budget friendly. I was hooked. Literally, one wipe turned my body a golden hue and left no sticky residue. I was able to put the skinniest of jeans on immediately. Even better, the product does not wear off in a scaly peel which leaves the skin mottled and discolored looking. A new box is on my list of things to do tomorrow so I recommend running to your local drugstore before I purchase the back stock.
Sep 2009
GIRL CODE
YES, there is a strong girl code and it applies everywhere. For purposes of our conversation today, let’s just tap into the shallowest of the girl code (not the strictest like don’t fool around with an ex- boyfriend or husband!) With the arrival of the Fall magazines of 700 pages of the hottest trends, comes the reality that it is time to commit to the fall handbag. Lots of thought has always gone into which handbag will be chosen and by whom. In the past, we would all flock to the hot designer bag i.e Chloe Paddington, but then it go too trendy and the need to discover timeless and unique and cost effective bags became the universal pursuit. Here is where the conflict begins. It is not okay to copy a close friends’ fall choice of a handbag unless permission has been granted. At that point, the bobbsey twin status is tolerable. Recently, I heard a story about a young professional who declared her handbag choice only to arrive at a girl’s lunch to see the same handbag on the arm of a dear friend. Granted there are certain designer handbags that many people carry and those are timeless and whomever can have one of those should enjoy and carry!
Sep 2009
YES, I HAVE SOLD MY CHILD DOWN THE RIVER
I am a terrific, loving mom. In fact, there is not one thing that I would not do for my child, except maybe put myself in a situation where I would be personally embarrassed. Every Wednesday, I have breakfast with my four year old at a dive coffee shop in the deep San Fernando Valley. This coffee shop is a happy place for me as it is one of my old high school haunts. It was a typical Wednesday three weeks ago. We arrived at the coffee shop and I set up shop. The toys went on the table, my computer unloaded, my coffee with french vanilla milk chilling beside me. All of sudden, I started experiencing the worst stomach pains. (It does happen to the best of us!) I did not know what to do. I could not leave my son and purse at the table while I fled to the toilet. Time was running out. I grabbed my son and my wallet, yelled to the waitress that I was not dining and ditching and sprinted to the bathroom. I barely made it. As I was washing my hands off, my child started screaming that the toilet was overflowing! I panicked. He started screaming that we needed to tell the guy. I was horrified! I love eating breakfast every Wednesday at this coffee shop and I needed to hold my head high every time entered. The thought of Wednesday breakfast at starbucks was a depressing thought. I thought quickly! We walked out the door and crashed right into the busboy. I looked at him with a big smile and said ” My son had a bad stomach explosion, must have ate something bad. The toilet is overflowing. I am so sorry!” and back I went to the table with my adorable son in tow. We sat back down and resumed our breakfast. And each Wednesday, I arrive at the coffee shop in my hot “beyond yoga” workout outfits and can still feel like a piece of ass!
Sep 2009
MOOD RINGS
Mood Rings are being written up in every high level fashion magazine. That is why when I heard the following story, I just knew I had to share it with the lemonaid drinkers. I love to hear stories about my friends and look forward to the day I have volunteers of people who want to guest blog…
My friend told me … “My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so that he would be able to monitor my moods. We have discussed that when I am in a good mood, it turns green. When I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his fucking forehead! Maybe next time he will buy me a diamond.”
Genius right?
Sep 2009
SHIKSA GODDESS
Tis the season of the Jewish Holidays. I love this time of year because I adore going to peoples’ homes to eat brisket and carrot souffle. I am a wonderful guest as I never come empty handed. About a month ago, a dear friend of mine invited my family to Yom Kippur breakfast. (Do you see where this is headed?) I eagerly accepted the invitation and could already taste the French Toast that I would bring. Two weeks later, another dear friend invited us to dinner on Yom Kippur. I thought to myself, how lucky we are to be invited to a breakfast and a dinner for the holiday. This morning, I was on the phone with my friend who had invited me to what I thought would be my morning meal. I confirmed that we would be arriving at ten am. “Why ten am?” she asked. “Break fast starts at 5 pm after Temple.” Oh my god, what a loser I am! I thought break fast was breakfast and I had accepted two dinner invitations. Luckily, my other dear friend laughed it off and said maybe next year. Just call me Jessica Simpson! Maybe I will bring Chicken of the Sea to the break fast.
Sep 2009
THE SURVIVORS CLUB BY BEN SHERWOOD
It never ceases to amaze me how accurate Melissa the psychic is. She warned me that September would be a bad month because Mercury would be in retrograde. I sure wish I had paid more attention. Every direction I have turned, I have seen, heard, and experienced sad and tragic events. Why is this happening? When is it going to end? How can we survive and help others in crisis? Besides consulting Melissa for spiritual answers ( I can not recommend her enough – 323 422-7426 or readingsbymelissa@yahoo.com ), reading and consulting powerful books which help to answer questions about why good things happen to bad people and how to improve your chances of survival both physical and emotional can also be an invaluable tool. Although highly statistical, THE SURVIVORS CLUB is a thought provoking read. At the end of the book, there is a “test” for each reader to take to see what kind of survivor they would be. An avid follower of LIFESTYLE LEMONAID would not be surprised to learn that that I would be considered a “believer.” Read Survivor’s club and learn who you would be in tragic situations.
“In tough times, who bounces back and who doesn’t? After losing a job, who finds a new one and who gives up? After a devastating medical diagnosis, who beats the odds and who doesn’t? And perhaps most important: What do survivors and thrivers know that we don’t?
The fascinating and surprising answers to these questions can be found in The Survivors Club by award winning journalist and bestselling author Ben Sherwood. Tom Brokaw hails The Survivors Club for giving voice to “what we all wonder: Do I have what it takes to survive? The riveting answers are all here.” Mehmet Oz, MD, believes The Survivors Club captures “the wisdom of people who improbably survived the abyss…”
The Survivors Club also offers readers the opportunity to discover their own unique Survivor Personality. Each copy comes with an access code to an exclusive and powerful Internet-based test called the Survivor Profiler™, which generates a customized report on a person’s Survivor Type and Strengths.”
THE SURVIVORS CLUB
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Get it from
AMAZON
Barnes & Noble
Booksense
Sep 2009
FIT FRENZ
Lifestyle Lemonaid also likes to share tips and and other cool things. For example, if you are looking for a fun activity for the kids whether it is a sunny or rainy day or if you are on the search for a fresh idea for your kids’ next birthday party, click onto www.FITFRENZ.COM. Entertain the children in an active and energetic way. Active gaming comes to your home and can accomodate parties large or small. Click onto fit frenz and get those rascals exercising and smiling while playing the hottest new video games.
Sep 2009
10:27 am…..
I popped up and ripped my eye mask off my face and was shocked to see that the alarm clock said 10:27 am. I bolted out of bed and ran downstairs to find myself in an empty house. How had my children gotten dressed, fed, and dropped at school ? This had never happened to me before. Usually, I rise out of bed every morning at 6 am and march through the morning routine effortlessly. And then it came rushing back to me! Last night had been my monthly cougar night and wow did we strike in a pack. Dolled up, thirsty for the crispest of sauvignon blanc wine, and eager to be the recipients of much lustful stares and adoration, the cougars arrived at the new BOA. Now the truth of my cougars is that as much as we love to people watch, our true love is chatting and laughing with eachother and reveling in our genuine appreciation for such great girlfriends. We gossip, tell wicked stories, laugh, and after looking around at all the single girls on a mission to wrangle a man, we feel blessed and lucky to have such great, loyal, and understanding husbands at home spooning our darling children. At midnight, I was exhausted and ready to go home. Excited to see my husband, I urged the cab driver to speed up. One by one, the cab driver dumped the cougars off as we ventured west along Sunset Blvd. At my stop on the cougar express, I bolted out of the car and entered my dark house. I crept up the stairs with a big smile on my face, grateful for my husband and our life together. I undressed, put on my ugly target nightie (which I love and he hates) and settled into bed for a happy nights rest. As I flipped over, my husband bolted awake and started yelling that my friends and I are desparate, pathetic losers who stay out too late and that we are too old to pretend to be hot on the town. Wow! I guess he really must have missed me. These husbands just don’t understand how much us girls love to be together and how harmless it truly is. Now, what I forgot to add was that my nose started running at the table. To top everything off, I woke up late with a sore throat in addition to an angry husband. Till next month!
Sep 2009
“BODY SUGARING. THE NEW SMOOTH”
As all of my friends can attest, I hate hair! This repulsion I have with hair is comedic considering I happen to have a head of hair which resembles a horse mane. Additionally, as you loyal followers remember, I am married to a man who sadly does not resemble Mark Wahlberg’s hairless physique in old Calvin Klein ads. Last Sunday, my family and I were eating lunch at Gaucho Grill. Now I must add that I have not eaten at Gaucho Grill since I discovered a long black hair in my manager’s special salad. Three years later, my husband convinced me to give Gaucho a second chance. What are the odds that three years later at a different location, I would almost choke on another long black hair in the same salad. Needless to say, Gaucho Grill is now a restaurant I will never dine at again. Alas, I would love nothing more than to be instrumental in helping people who like me have great disdain for hair.
I have tried every possible hair removal system on the market. From waxing at Pink Cheeks alongside the strippers, to lasering at Blue Spa, to testing out every razor on the market, I am still hopeful that something painless and permanent will arrive. Yesterday I had the pleasure of trying an ancient hair removal process from the middle east ( no- not threading/ I would rather be the hairiest person on earth than be subjected to that torture again). The process is called SUGARING. A new salon called STUDIO ALEXANDRIA LA which specializes in this ancient technique just opened in Brentwood. Besides being immaculate, the staff is amazingly kind, gentle and well versed on the process of sugaring. After sugaring my arms and a few other specific areas, my body felt undeniably soft and smooth. The results are supposed to last for six weeks. Based on your pattern of hair growth, the sugar lady will set up appointments to maintain the new hair free you. Eventually, the hair will stop growing and the chore of regular maintenance will be a distant memory. Even better, if you are hungry while at the salon, the sugar is edible and tastes like salt water taffy. (eat some before it used to remove the hair!) Men and women are welcome! Whether it is “perfect man-brows” or a “designer” bikini, you will be thrilled!
Little does my lovely gorilla know that he will be first up on the table for a “full back with shoulders.”
Sep 2009
MAIN COURSE ONLY
It’s that time, couples are getting divorced– and believe me, more on that lately. With divorce comes life back in the single lane. Remember those days– blind date after blind date. I swear I should have just recorded my standard answers and hit play on the tape recorder as I sat down to each date. And then all of a sudden, you would miraculously find yourself on a date with a person you were actually attracted to. I can vividly recall sitting at Chaya Brasserie on several dates ordering a cocktail and realizing that I actually felt chemistry. That potential connection would dictate what I would order for dinner that night. If I had good banter with the guy and found myself staring at his lips, I would order a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and a piece of steamed fish of which I would only eat half. Why? because I wanted my stomach to be flat in case we went home and fooled around. But how about those dates when you knew within the first eight seconds that this date was a one time shot only. I would order my wine, an appetizer, a steak, and a dessert. The only reason why I did not stuff myself to oblivion was because I needed to be able to leap out of the car before that awkward kiss moment and before the car even came to a complete halt. I clearly found the perfect match in my husband as I recently heard him tell a story of a blind date that he had been on where he made the decision for the girl. When the waitress came to the table to take the orders, my husband rudely interrupted his date as she was ordering her appetizer and said main course only. Ouch!!!
