10:27 am…..

I popped up and ripped my eye mask off my face and was shocked to see that the alarm clock said 10:27 am.  I bolted out of bed and ran downstairs to find myself in an empty house.  How had my children gotten dressed, fed, and dropped at school ?  This had never happened to me before.  Usually,  I rise out of bed every morning at 6 am and march through the morning routine effortlessly.  And then it came rushing back to me!  Last night had been my monthly cougar night and wow did we strike in a pack.  Dolled up, thirsty for the crispest of sauvignon blanc wine, and eager to be the recipients of much lustful stares and adoration, the cougars arrived at the new BOA. Now the truth of my cougars is  that as  much as we love to people watch, our true love is chatting and laughing with eachother and reveling in our genuine appreciation for such great girlfriends.  We gossip, tell wicked stories, laugh, and after looking around at all the single girls on a mission to wrangle a man, we feel  blessed and lucky to have such great, loyal, and understanding husbands at home spooning our darling children.   At midnight, I was exhausted and ready to go home.  Excited to see my husband, I urged the cab driver to speed up.  One by one, the cab driver dumped the cougars off  as we ventured west along Sunset Blvd.   At my stop on the cougar express, I bolted out of the car and entered my dark house.  I crept up the stairs with a big smile on my face, grateful for my husband and our life together.  I undressed,  put on my ugly target nightie (which I love and he hates) and settled into bed for a happy nights rest.  As I flipped over, my husband bolted awake and started yelling that my friends and I are desparate, pathetic losers who stay out too late  and that we are too old to pretend to be hot on the town.  Wow! I guess he really must have missed me.  These husbands just don’t understand how much us girls love to be together and how harmless it truly  is.  Now, what I forgot to add was that my nose  started running at the table.  To top everything off, I woke up late with a sore throat in addition to an angry husband.    Till next month!

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