FRISBEES

And I don’t mean the object you throw around on the beach.  Instead, frisbee is the word I affectionately use to describe my flat non-threatening eyelashes.  Not that I am not blessed that my eyes “see” and that the lashes I do have do protect my eyes from dust and bacteria.  However,  it would be nice once in a while to have the kind of dark, sexy, mysterious, and voluminous lashes that people stop you on the street to complement.  There are options and I have tried them all.  The first time I dyed my lashes black in a beauty salon, I woke up the next morning with my eyes slammed shut.  Hours later when there had been no improvement, I was rushed to the emergency room where my eyes were flushed out and my fresh blow dry destroyed by the actual flusher which resembled a beer bong.  I researched doing eyelash extensions, the kind that last for several weeks and cost $250.00.  I was in the security line as the airport last December and I struck up a conversation with the girl behind me about the smashing length of her lashes.  Damone Roberts, she smiled, is the genius behind her lash extensions!  On the plane, husband berated me about how annoying I am that I strike up conversations with anyone who will talk to me.  Little did I realize that the darling girl with the gorgeous lashes was Brandy!  After some internet research on the cons of eyelash extensions, I cancelled my appointment at Damone Roberts when I learned that there could be a permanent loss of one’s own lashes.  Not being an actress or musician like my friend in the airport line, I accepted the reality that the financial upkeep of lash extensions coupled with the death of my “frisbees” was a non-starter.  So then I befriended the eyelash girls at the local department stores and benefit boutiques, and began to regularly have false lashes applied for major social events.  With the dark falsies in place, I would hit the town like a maybelline ad.  (I was known back in the days of my friends’ wedding circuit to wear more fake lashes than the bride.)  Clearly, that wedding circuit circa early 2000, commenced my love affair with fake lashes.  Although, the concept of “lash in a flash” at your own house, similar to the “at home” blowdry, sounded good, it was yet another item on the never ending maintenance list.  When does it end?  husband tortured me as he perused the last Amex bill.  I have always explained that there is no limit on personal maintenance to which he nastily responded ” I would think for all the money you spend on your maintenance that you would look a hell of a lot better!”  I knew in my heart that he could not possible mean that cutting statement.  So I smiled and coyly said… “it will be all national geographic for you “down there” as the waxing will be the first item of maintenance that is removed from the list.  HA! So there! Then I took it upon myself to purchase ten mascaras from both the drugstore and department stores.  After a thorough testing and comparison of the mascaras all of which promised length, volume, depth etc, I discovered the closest thing to fake eyelashes.  I am proud to introduce the lemonaid drinkers to Givenchy’s Phenomen’Eyes Mascara.  This is a revolutionary mascara, known as the eye fly secret weapon, which grips the lashes from the root, and perfectly curls and separates lashes.  It is the high tech, patented round sphere at the tip of the precision wand that reaches every lash and adapts to all eye shapes.  I promise, your Shu Uemura eyelash curler can be retired.  Take it from me, the girl with the “Frisbees!”