May 2010
HE LOVES THE METER MAID
Is there anything more annoying than getting a parking ticket? It is so frustrating to do the right thing and feed a meter which expires a minute short of anticipation and the meter maid has already
started to input the license plate. On one hand, I feel bad for meter maids as they endure abuse all day long for just doing their jobs. Sometimes, when it is truly a close call, many meter maids err on the side of being cool and do not issue the ticket. Love them! The worst part is that the parking ticket fees seem to have doubled. In the past, I admit that I used to park in red in areas where there was no valet or lighted walkways justifying the $22 dollar ticket in the name of safety. Today, I find it impossible to justify the $50 dollar ticket. My boyfriend before husband used to get really angry if I got a parking ticket. I can vividly remember him slamming his dashboard with his fist when he himself would get a parking ticket. (curious Mr. ex if you still get as angry about parking tickets?) As a result of the fear he instilled in me about parking tickets, it is rare that I approach my car to see a white piece of official paper perched on my windshield. The other day, my friend picked me up in “escy” to go out for dinner. I went searching in her glove compartment for a piece of gum. As I opened the glove compartment, a rainfall of parking tickets flew out. She laughed and quickly hid them under the driver’s seat. What is going on, I asked? She raised her eyebrows and explained to me that there IS punishment in her household when she gets a parking ticket. She must service her husband orally for each parking ticket. Poor girl, she does manage to have bad luck with parking tickets and I can only imagine how tired her jaw must be. Her husband must be the only person in America who APPRECIATES meter maids and is singlehandedly collecting money for their year-end bonuses!
May 2010
THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL
Meet Jenn… She is gorgeous, ice blonde, talented, and smart. A wicked combination if I don’t say so myself. The best part is she is my friend. I walked into JUAN JUAN one day (Brentwood, California) to ask a question. This stunning but approachable girl came up to me and said hello. We got to chatting and she commented on my yellow hair color and how it clashed against the pink tone of my skin. She gently said that someone who is as put together as me should have hair color that matches my skin coloring. If she had not been so sincere, I would have thought for sure she was hooking for a new client. I later realized that she, with her husband Sean, own the Juan Juan salons in Beverly Hills and Brentwood. She definitely did not need me for a client. The ironic thing was that husband kept saying the same things about my hair color but I sadly did not take to heart what he was saying. We struck up a friendship and my hair color now resembles hers! What I love about jenn is in addition to being a talented hair colorist, she is completely interested in the world of social media and how she can continue to experiment, perfect, and share her color knowledge. Although she should be smitten with herself, she keeps her cool and is quiet about her talent. Silent but deadly. She recently shared with me her secret weapon tips on helping hair to survive the sun, salt, and chlorine that comes with Summer vacation.
Here are her top 5 tips to get you through the upcoming months.
1. Wear a hat. Not only will it save your skin, it will save your hair color. If you blondes want to be blonder, wear a visor and your color can lighten up almost a full shade.
2. Brunettes wanting to save their color but don’t want to wear a hat? Invest in a tub of the Kerastase UV Defense masque. Not only will it protect your hair from the UV rays but it will moisturize your hair as well.
3. Suit up before you jump in the pool. And I don’t mean swim suit……Don’t let chlorine be the first thing to get your hair wet when you take the plunge. Either wet your hair down with water before you jump in or slather a dime size of conditioner in your hair and comb it through.
4. At the beach, drop a deep conditioner and wide tooth comb in your bag. My favorite is Shu Uemura Silk Bloom Restorative Treatment. Work a quarter size amount through wet hair, comb through and let the sun be your hair’s best friend. This is the best and most luxurious treatment on the market.
5. Green hair S.O.S. In case you end up with green hair from a long weekend by the pool, don’t worry, we’ll fix you………..call us at 310-278-5826 (juan) and ask for a Malibu Treatment. Your hair will be rejuvinated in no time!
Jennifer J
www.juanjuansalon.com <http://www.juanjuansalon.com> - twitter for salon is juanjuansalon
www.jenniferj.com <http://www.jenniferj.com>
her individual twitter is JenniferJ13 and blog is www.jenniferjthecolorexpert.blogspot.com <http://www.jenniferjthecolorexpert.blogspot.com>
May 2010
SKUNK
Today, my seven year old came home with two gorgeous works of art that he made in his art class. The
first was an impressive interpretation of Matisse through the eyes of a goldfish. The second was a drawing of a family portrait. I was thrilled with his artistic interpretations and pleased that he had gotten some artistic talent (thank you mother-in-law.) As I studied the family portrait, I noticed something that seems to appear in every drawing of our family. The daddy is bald (accurate), the younger boy has puppy dog brown eyes, the older boy has a rock and roll hair style, and the mother has yellow hair with a black stripe down the middle. I always used to wonder why my son would draw me with a black stripe in the middle of my head. Not wanting to sound critical, I commented on the drawing and finally asked about the black stripe on the mom figure. He laughed and said that my yellow hair always has a center black stripe and that I resemble a skunk. I guess I should have complimented his flawless attention to detail. Clearly, my seven year old is aware of when I need to schedule a hair color appointment. God, he makes me feel good. (PS the chick on the right with the roots is not me!)
May 2010
PASSPORT STATUS
Ooh La La! On the phone this morning, I learned that a friend of mine was going to Europe this summer for
the first time in her life. As we chatted about which parts they were going to visit, I reminded her to check the status of her passport. (I am sure that many of the people in my life are giggling as they read this post.) However, I am okay sharing my mistakes so as to prevent others from doing the same. Husband works very hard in a job that is much more a lifestyle than a nine to five job. There are only two weeks a year in which his industry shuts down and the blackberry can be left at home (not), okay, in the hotel room for an hour. In his desire to work to live, not live to work, he books our vacations a year in advance. Being the lovely partner that I am, I recognize the importance of these two glorious weeks in December. Imagine this, circa 2009– T’was the night of Christmas, the bags were packed, images of casitas and margaritas dancing in my head, we settled in our bed after a terrific day with the kids at the happiest place on Earth. I made a mental checklist of all loose ends as I drifted off to sleep. Magically bolting awake before the 4 am alarm went off in order to catch the 7 am flight to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, I had a bad feeling. Medecine – check/ sunblock- check/ bathing suits- check… hmm, what was gnawing at me? It hit me, I had forgotten to pack the passports. As I went to my file cabinet where I meticulously store my important documents, I began to check the dates of expiration… Do you see where this is heading? My heart started beating and fear began to flow through my blood. My oldest son’s passport was EXPIRED! With the state of affairs in the world, I knew that our trip to Mexico without current passports was going to be impossible. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for husband’s reaction. I gently woke him up and ripped the band-aid off quickly. I won’t bore you with the bloody details, but assume the worst. We were unable to get a passport and a birth certificate would not work. His hard earned vacation went down the toilet. After ignoring me for 24 hours, we decided to make “lemonaid” and planned lots of fun local outings for the family. Therefore, the moral of this story is to check your passports as soon as you book any international vacations.
May 2010
OH NO! DID I POP THE TIRES AGAIN?
Yesterday was a busy day in the Lemonaid household. After
popping two advils to remedy the abuse from the night before, picking up the kids from their respective sleepovers, making an appearance at the T-ball game, and wolfing down my daily breakfast of champions (egg beaters southwestern style), I was dressed and ready to show property in picturesque Calabasas, California. Loaded up in the flex were clients “Barbie” and “Ken.” Gated community central, we began our search by loading up on caffeine at the local Starbucks in The Commons. No need to describe The Commons, just imagine it is where the hot ladies of Wisteria Lane type neighborhoods come and hold court. Oh yeah, and this would be a good time to add that a new reality show titled “The Gates” will be hitting our TV screens is no time. Move over The Hills, there are some new bitches and M.I.L.F.S in town, my TIVO is teed up and ready to record…. As we bopped from community to community, we became quickly educated on which of the communities would be better for Barbie and Ken to set up shop. Luckily, the passengers in my Flex and I go way back in time… My flawless driving suddenly experienced a hiccup as I slammed into the center median on Parkway Calabasas. I was able to react instead of maintaining my cool. As my hands shook and my lip gloss quickly became parched on my lips, I got out of the car to survey the damage. My biggest fear was NOT realized as my tires remain puffed up and full of air and there was not a paint scratch on my menacing grill. Tire popping (on accident) has happened to me many times over the years and Husband makes me drive all the way downtown to a more “affordable” tire stocker to purchase a new set. Confidence restored, I patted my Lady Gaga platinum bangs, turned my head, and asked Barbie and Ken if they would be 
all cash buyers?
May 2010
NAILS IN MOTION
The other night I was kept awake by Husband’s snoring and the dead skin on my feet. I don’t know which was more annoying- him or the snaggy dead skin on my feet that I kept picking to the point of bleeding. I finally fell asleep and when I awoke the next morning to get the kids off to school, I could barely stand on my picked apart, now filled with open sores, feet. Horrible vision, I know, but with the joys of Summer come the daily wear of open toe sandals and barefeet (which wreaks havoc on the soles of feet). A regular customer at any local and cheap mani / pedi salon which has an open meter in front, I am opening myself up to infection. Most times, I am not concerned with infection if the shop provides sanitized tools for each customer that are removed from the plastic baggie. However, I would glean that going into a random salon with an open wound on the foot for a quick and cheap pedi would probably not be the safest choice. What to do? I had to remedy the foot and clearly I had failed miserably by trying to self-blade the dead skin. Salons no longer blade the skin from ones foot which has negated the real reason for having a pedicure. I polled the cougar crew and was given the telephone number of Lorri, owner, CEO and COO of NAILS IN MOTION, the manicurist to the stars. Not a star, but desparate for a good blading, I counted my loose change and broke down and scheduled Lorri to “motion” herself to my house. She arrived with a big smile, a big blade, and a foot soaking tub. I can set up anywhere, she laughed, and we were off to the races. While I sat at my desk, booking summer camp for the kids, Lorri whipped my feet into shape. Admiring my newly scrubbed and soft as a newborn’s tush feet, I contemplated having her do a manicure to remedy the hands and nails which have endured the direct impact of my stressful days. Suddenly, the vision of Husband walking into my office unexpectedly while I pampered myself for double the price, shocked me into reality. An at home, indulgent pedicure for “medical” reasons could be justified, I convinced myself. As I walked her to the door, with tissue between my watermelon colored toes, I booked another magical pedicure for next month. I could forfeit one girl’s dinner a month for this luxury….
NAILS IN MOTION– LORI KEEFER SMITH- 818/335-1884/ LORRIKEEFERSMITH@GMAIL.COM
May 2010
BEER PONG ANYONE?
Everybody parents differently! Albeit TV or drinking soda, husband and I err on the side of less strict. Sprite when out to dinner, Family Guy, and mommy’s favorite hip hop music, my children have been exposed to some of the best that pop culture has to offer. Judge me or not, we are raising confident kids who are spirited, friendly, respectful, and know NOT to repeat the bad language they hear on the I Pod. My son’s first grade teacher is newly married to a creative young entrepreneur who has started a business making beer pong tables. Not a big drinker, but a definite 80′s throwback, husband has taken an interest in this business venture. Last week, husband was reading PLAYBOY (loves the articles, he claims!) and saw a write up of the beer pong company. He got so excited and wanted to make sure our teacher saw the article. He ripped off the cover and began to put the magazine in our son’s backpack to give to the teacher. Are you kidding me? You can’t have our darling innocent first grader be the vehicle which carries the PLAYBOY into the first grade classroom. As proud of her husband she must be, Mrs. 1st grade teacher would be horrified that a parent would send their kid to school with PLAYBOY in his backpack. In any event, I ditched carpool that day and handed the magazine to our teacher with a wink.
Regardless of the audience
, ”Beer Pong” or “Kool-Aid Pong” or “Wine Pong” or “Water Pong” is for everyone, especially when you can customize it with pictures of the family or favorite sports teams. It takes 3 days to manufacture and ship out the tables. The pricing varies from the more affordable Aluminum version starting at $89.99 to the furniture quality, finished wood table, starting at $219.99. Each customization option, such as table color, pre-drilled holes for the playing cups, custom graphics, speakers installed in the table, etc will affect the price of the table. All of these options can be selected online in the custom shop depending on which table model is chosen.
Toga party anyone? WWW.PARTYPONGTABLES.COM
May 2010
SUNDAY MORNING SNUGGIES, HUGGIES, AND STUBBLE BURN
Sunday mornings in our household begin with what our five year old has coined “snuggies” and “huggies.” Imagine the little boys waking up, still warm from their sleep, climbing into bed with us. These moments are truly the happiest and most treasured. The family session goes a little like this. 5 year old comes to mommy at snuggie and then we flip and 7 year old comes to mommy at huggie. Daddy gets the reverse. Nothing makes me smile more than the thought of the four of us sandwiched into bed, with not a care in the world and nowhere to go. After the “snuggie” switch, the boys started screaming that they wanted to cuddle while mommy and daddy spoon. So sweet right? I rolled over, cuddled up next to husband (rancid morning breath and all) and yelled EW and OUCH! I threw off the covers and started hysterically laughing. Husband had decided to shave off every hair on his body (why? I have no idea, he is NOT a swimmer.) Now I realize that I was incorrect as to why he took forever in the shower last night. The smoothness did not last for more than a few hours as his hair pattern tends to grow rapidly. Gorillas rule in our household (except for the back!)
May 2010
KICKS
With the dawn of summer and the desire to spend time outdoors more intense, I decided it was time to invest in a new pair of running shoes. As a devout follower of pilates (no shoes necessary), it would seem odd that running shoes would be on my shopping list. As mentioned in an earlier post, I have decided to go green (er.). In my quest to live a greener life, I have purchased a bicycle. With visions of a romantic bike ride with husband on a weekend afternoon or a group cougar ride to Starbucks, I have convinced many of my friends to invest in bicycles. (Husband feels uncoordinated as a biker and has chosen not to participate in this activity.) Biking in a city requires shoes. Hence my need to purchase new “kicks”. Most people buy athletic shoes based on fit, weight, and performance. I agree that all of the above factors are of the utmost importance. However, I start my running shoe search based primarily on aesthetics. The color scheme must make a statement and the shoe must look flattering on the leg. Are the kicks boat like enough to make the leg look toned and skinny? Over the years, I have worn gold, silver, and black runners. Thus, this is the year I have decided to find the perfect hot pink and orange combination which would scream sass, spirit, optimism, summer, and confidence. Not to mention, a bright pink shoe could be spotted a mile away as I pedal on the bike or if I have fallen to the ground in a heap. Having narrow and flat feet does not make for finding athletic shoes an easy “feat.” Nikes fit too big while Adidas are too heavy on my feet. What’s a girl to do? I was then introduced to NEWTON’S which literally have almost made a runner out of me. Resembling running on the beach, the newton technology is unique and revolutionary. For chicks like me, the newton is classy yet sassy.
“The hot pink with a mix of yellow colors make it more appealing to women to include it on their ‘must have’ Christmas and shopping list. But do not be fooled with the girly facade because this shoe is also known for its performance, speed and distance. This HOT shoe is well designed in a super light race specific profile that assists in keeping up a fast paced running form. The Newton’s Action Reaction Technology in its forefoot is one good asset of this shoe. The advanced rear-foot design that make the most of forward motion and propulsion and adds to the best possible running form.”
Don’t forget, LIFESTYLE LEMONAID followers need to master the sporty look as well as the chic “I am hosting the soiree of the season” look. HUSBAND much prefers the sporty look!
May 2010
BELUGA WHALE
Sick with the stomach flu back in sixth grade, I never made it on the whale watching fieldtrip. Missing this school outing was devastating for me. I always imagined whales as being mammothly large animals mostly blue and grey in color. As you know from reading this blog, I put lots of energy into exercise, nutrition and self-tan experimentation. Nobody knows this better than Husband because he pays the infamous Amex bill. Last December, husband and I flew to Palm Beach for a wedding. Excited to spend time alone (vacation husband is the BEST of husband), I put extra special care into packing outfits that would appeal to husband instead of dressing for the girls. After a long red eye flight, we arrived at the W South Beach (AMAZING and drum roll please… it’s a Starwood Hotel!) and went straight to the room. Serene like a spa, the room was all white, with big glass windows, breathtaking ocean views, and a soft cloud like white bed. Deciding to take a nap and rejuvenate before venturing out Kardashian style, I whipped my clothes off and pulled on my Target nightie. It is important to note here that husband is always complaining about my repulsive sleepwear at the same time that he tortures me about my spending. This argument is an enigma to me in that a whopping charge of 1000 dollars at La Perla would surely lead to separate bedrooms forever. Settling for Gilligan O’Malley at Target, I opt for soft texture and sexy bright colors. That being said, husband managed to catch me in the middle of taking my clothes off before putting on my nightie. Suddenly, I heard him suck his breath in… I smiled demurely, thinking that I must be looking hot and that the hard work at Pilates and Power Plate must be paying off… Not! He started shouting at me that I was so white and flabby that I resembled a beluga whale. WOW! what a compliment! Thank god we brought Astro Glide because the thought of being turned on by him just flew out the giant glass hotel window.
