BELUGA WHALE

Sick with the stomach flu back in sixth grade, I never made it on the whale watching fieldtrip.  Missing this school outing was devastating for me.  I always imagined whales as being mammothly large animals mostly blue and grey in color.  As you know from reading this blog, I put lots of energy into exercise, nutrition and self-tan experimentation.  Nobody knows this better than Husband because he pays the infamous Amex bill.  Last December, husband and I flew to Palm Beach for a wedding.  Excited to spend time alone (vacation husband is the BEST of husband), I put extra special care into packing outfits that would appeal to husband instead of dressing for the girls.  After a long red eye flight, we arrived at the W South Beach (AMAZING and drum roll please… it’s a Starwood Hotel!) and went straight to the room.  Serene like a spa, the room was all white, with big glass windows, breathtaking ocean views, and a soft cloud like white bed.  Deciding to take a nap and rejuvenate before venturing out Kardashian style, I whipped my clothes off and pulled on my Target nightie.  It is important to note here that husband is always complaining about my repulsive sleepwear at the same time that he tortures me about my spending.  This argument is an enigma to me in that a whopping charge of 1000 dollars at La Perla would surely lead to separate bedrooms forever.  Settling for Gilligan O’Malley at Target, I opt for soft texture and sexy bright colors.  That being said, husband managed to catch me in the middle of taking my clothes off before putting on my nightie.  Suddenly, I heard him suck his breath in… I smiled demurely, thinking that I must be looking hot and that the hard work at Pilates and Power Plate must be paying off… Not!  He started shouting at me that I was so white and flabby that I resembled a beluga whale.  WOW! what a compliment!  Thank god we brought Astro Glide because the thought of being turned on by him just flew out the giant glass hotel window.