OFF THE RICHTER SCALE

Earthquakes are a reality in California.  As a native, I have experienced earthquakes but still feel stumped each time one occurs.  Should I take cover under a doorway, find the nearest desk as we did in grade school, or stop, drop, and roll?  Some earthquakes are realized after they are over.  Some trigger more damage.  One night, I was deep asleep, floating between REM levels.  The cocktails from the night before still flowing through my system.  All of a sudden, I was jolted awake by what I thought was a massive body shaking earthquake.  I ripped the eyemask from my face, rubbed my eyes, and attempted to survey the damage.  As I turned my head to the left to wake my motionless husband, I noticed an ABRUPT stop to the shaking motion.  How strange, I thought to myself, maybe I was having the type of dream where for example, your ski falls off.  I resumed my sleep position and closed my eyes.  Not ten seconds later, the shaking began again.  As I half opened my eyes and turned my head ever so slightly in my husband’s direction, I realized that the earthquake I was experiencing was the vigorous shaking motion of my darling husband pleasuring himself.  Guess he did not want to disturb my beauty sleep!