10
Aug 2010

LOVE IT

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

3
Aug 2010

HUSBAND IS THE NEW BACHELOR

NOT!  This vision about killed me!  Last night as I sat on the edge of my bed, anticipating who Ali was going to choose, Husband was teasing incessantly.  ”you are dumbing yourself down,  look at you- acting like you are about to be kissed for the first time…get a life!”  I must say, I have always loved Roberto but Chris was beginning to make headway with me.  I could see how torn Ali was and I felt her pain.  Ultimately, her instinct won and she chose Roberto- may their love last a long time.  As the show re-ran clips of their journey, I found myself salivating out loud about Roberto’s body.  OMG! what a hottie- tall, dark, handsome, sick abs!  I was hooked!  Suddenly, I sensed movement to the left side of my peripheral vision.  Mind you it was 11:00 pm at night!  The lights were off and I was prepared to go to sleep once the show finished.  I felt a whoosh of air and could not believe my eyes.  Husband was standing upright, shirtless, and doing bicep curls.  At this point, I was hysterical.  ”honey, you are a babe, tire and all…. you are better than Roberto. In fact, forget Chris as the next Bachelor (spotted Chris and Bachelor producers and Chris Harrison at the Dodger game last week.)  I think you should throw your hat in the ring.

22
Jul 2010

PURE GENIUS

It is nice that people are making a valiant effort to aid in the war against flatulence. Think about all the times in yoga class when someone lets one rip while in down dog position. Are you kidding me? The marriage comfort blanket was one thing but this one takes the cake.

SUBTLE BUTT is a disposable gas neutralizer in the form of a patch of fabric which is placed in your undies. It has “an activated carbon layer….to which stench adheres and gets neutralized”. Let’s hope the same company can create a show tune to help “neutralize” the sound!

Can you imagine that in the age of I PADS, we also can proudly discuss our technological breakthroughs in the area of flatulence?

I am proud to be an American consumer.  www.subtlebutt

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

16
Jul 2010

BIG DAY

News hit the street as posted by Nikki Finke on Deadline Hollywood.  HBO is creating a show inspired by LIFESTYLE LEMONAID and specifically, the trials and tribulations of my marriage, a modern day LUCY and RICKY.  I am beyond flattered that HBO believes in my blog to create a potential show out of it.  I am also grateful to my readers and fans who support me daily in this crazy blogging journey of mine.  Thanks for sipping the Lemonaid! www.deadlinelhollywood.com

On another note, I am so excited that everyone responded so positively to Mr. Swagger.  You can expect to hear from Mr. Swagger several times a month.  I find his perspective refreshing and a fabulous complement to my voice.  Mr. Swagger will remain ANONYMOUS. However, I want to be clear that as much swagger as husband possesses, Mr. Lemonaid is NOT the voice of Mr. Swagger.

11
Jul 2010

LOVE IT

I confess–I am a sucker for all things jewelry. When I stumble upon unique pieces of costume jewelry, I have no self control. Luckily, I leave the fine jewelry shopping up to Husband or else I would be left fingerless and unable to type these words. I devoted an entire wall in my closet to extended hooks in which to hang my necklaces in an organized fashion. The other day, I was at a birthday lunch at Fred Segal, Melrose. I had not been there in awhile and took a few minutes post lunch to do a quick perusal of the latest. My intention was purely to look NOT purchase. But the vintage jewelry in the gift section behind the restaurant was staggering! Clearly, Jill at the counter sniffed the intrigue and curiosity I was experiencing. I started checking out the Lulu Frost new pieces which are these fabulous large letter and numbers hanging on antique chains. Each piece is one of a kind and the actual letters and numbers are the original room numbers of the Plaza Hotel in NYC prior to the massive renovation. This piece of history spoke to me because my Father and Grandparents lived in NYC and we used to go to high tea at the hotel during the Thanksgiving holidays of my childhood. I, of course, opted for the initial of Husband’s first name to soften the blow of the purchase and aid in my justification defense. Just as I was signing the credit card receipt, some lucite and gold hoops circa some other era caught my eye. As I tried the fabulous pool party earrings on, other fabulous vintage pieces jumped into my view. The entire case came alive and I spent the next 30 minutes trying on the pieces and imagining myself at a Dynasty party along side Lynda Evans. Words could not do justice to the eye of this jewelry collector/designer. She is Nicole Mann Novick of the Garland Collection. Check out my picks! Http://garlandcollection.com Or Jill at Fred Segal 323/651-1800.

22
Jun 2010

LOVE IT

Truly the line of the month!  It kills husband and I everytime we hear it.  Imagine this– super hot guy, I mean smokin’ hot!  His girl is not a looker and definitely does not bring anything obvious to the table.  I asked my “sharp as a pistol” / “tell it like it is”  friend who is also the owner and CEO of WIKKED PRODUCTIONS to explain why the hottie is sticking around?  To paraphrase my  friend…That girl has a “comeback p- – -y! ”  (vajayjay would be my word choice. ) In any event, he keeps coming back for more.

Filed under: Love It
17
Jun 2010

LOVE IT


ACTUALLY COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT!  Thanks to my amazing Pilates friend and instructor Jessica McTighe.

“With 85% less fat and 40% fewer calories than regular peanut butter, Better ‘n Peanut Butter is befriending weight watchers from all across America. Better ‘n Peanut Butter is the most impressive diet peanut butter on the market because it is the ONLY true diet peanut butter on the market. Where other brands fail at offering a diet peanut butter with their so-called “reduced fat” products, we hold true in providing only real diet solution. And if you think you are going to have to sacrifice taste, think again. Better ‘n Peanut Butter tastes just as good as regular with the added benefit of knowing you’re doing something good for your body.” betternpeanutbutter.com


10
Jun 2010

NEED I SAY MORE? LIFE WITHOUT WOULD NOT BE THE SAME

8
Jun 2010

LOVE IT…

My vision of Summer as captured by Slim Aarons.. my favorite (next to Husband’s black and white photographs)

8
Jun 2010

LOVE IT…

Some images that are inspiring me right now..interested where to buy or who is the designer— just ask!